#Positivity_Challenge #5X5_PositivityChallenge #Day2

#Positivity_Challenge #5X5_PositivityChallenge #Day2

And the challenge continues proving that it is even harder than what I had previously thought.

1- I am still writing ( http://al7akaya.blogspot.com/2014/07/blog-post_25.html )

2- Second consecutive day with Iftar in a blackout. Feels like I am repeating myself.

3- Received a wonderful email with a new job opportunity.

4- Had a wonderful meditating session this morning. I feel calm.

5- Reconnecting with a very old friend. 

The #5X5_PositivityChallenge #Day1

#Positivity_Challenge  #5X5_PositivityChallenge #Day1

So I was Challenged by my dear friend Nadine to show gratitude to five things in my day for five consecutive days in what I would call the 5X5 positivity challenge.
It is pretty challenging, but I would certainly give it a try.

Day 1
1- I started writing again - which is awesome - a series of random thoughts entitled " Sherif Wonders ".

2- I have always been a fan of new beginnings. Tonight is no exception.

3- I had Iftar in the dark with the family during a blackout today which made me think about the millions going through blackouts on daily basis. It was a good thing to acknowledge the hard facts of life that is seldom taken for granted.

4- Had a flat tire that I changed during fasting in the heat and carried on with my day. A bit surprising. An older version of myself would take that as a bad omen and would just retire to the comfort of his room. But I did not.

5- The Fifty Shades of Grey trailer is out today. Hated the books, but got actually excited about the movie owing to the sultry version of crazy in love. It's become a guilty pleasure of mine. 

Let's get PERSONAL ..

I've been procrastinating this step for quite some time now .. but i guess the time has come to get it together and start really pouring out my heart and let it out.
Last month i really needed a couch just to let all the anger inside of me out but i didn't dare take the step although i have a friend who has done it before and went to a psychiatrist. I was considering the psych department at the hospital as it all began and ended at the hospital.
When i got pricked from a patient while trying to save his life .. i didn't get all freaked out or sad or anxious or anything ..

I was ANGRY ..

How could i get pricked ? .. i always thought i'm a goot practitioner and such mishaps never happen to me ..

I am ARROGANT ..

I never noticed before how high my horse is until lately .. i am way too far from being modest and kills me not to be ..
The patient died four hours later ..

I got even ANGRIER ..

How could he give me God knows what disease and then just die ??!!!!
I even thought that i was trying to resuscitate him just for that sake .. not to save his life but mine .. i thought at the time i wouldn't be able to handle the fact that he just wouldn't be there after i got A disease regardless the disease .. He had to live so i won't live with it by myself .. He owed me this .. I thought so ..

He died FOUR times that morning ..
Arrest .. CPR .. Heart Beat .. Arrest .. CPR .. Beat .. Arrest .. ICU .. CPR .. Beat .. ARREST ..

Followed by anger .. I was only sad of the fact that i felt no remorse .. just anger .. i needed the couch badly but i dared not to lie .. I even thought it was all his role in life is to get me sick and die ..

His test results came negative for hepatitis B and C two days after he passed away .. Those were the worst two days of my life ..

To the first patient who died between my hands .. My God rest your soul .. you were a wake up call not my death penalty .. If i have ever failed you or your family ..

I am SORRY ..

I have done my best to save him that morning but for the wrong reasons .. i wish i could take that back but he died and i have to live with it for the rest of life by myself ..